These guidelines are completely my own. No one can tell you what will be correct in your own circumstances. I urge all seekers to think for yourself, follow your own heart, be kind to others, and never work with other people unless it’s through your own free will.
1. Do Not Fuck the Guru. Better to find a fellow student and practice behind everyone else’s backs. The risk of manipulation is less, and independent study will teach you much more than just passively receiving wisdom from on high. If you get caught out, everyone in the group will love gossiping and signaling their moral superiority about your transgression, so it’s a win-win. If you absolutely cannot resist the guru, don’t join the group or drop out.
Always maintain strong ties outside of any spiritual group.
2. Know Your Shit. You should have your own practice, methods of protection, contacts and allies in the physical and invisible realms. You should have some degree of control over your psychism, trance states, sexual responses, and an ability to ground yourself. Know your strengths (visualization, no mind, banishing, astral projection, etc.) and where you’re not as adept.
This includes your own ethical principles. You will be deliberately invoking powerful forces well known for creating unintended consequences. Don’t tempt fate by creating situations ripe for scale balancing in your wake. Treat the world well and it will do it’s best by you.
Obviously you are pursuing this type of relationship in order to further your own development, but it’s unfair to expect your partner to carry all of the weight. Make yourself a worthy partner, and you’ll recognize when your counterpart appears.
3. Know Your Worth. I don’t care if all you bring to a sex magical relationship is a warm, juicy hole. Your partner should be someone who honors that contribution to their spiritual magical goals and attainment. See rule #3 – the more you develop and become aware of your own capacities, the less likely you will be taken advantage of by unscrupulous, lazy, or abusive practitioners.
If a partner doesn’t respect your contribution, cut your losses and banish away.
4. Wait for Someone Smokin’ Hot. Frankly, I just don’t believe in having sex with someone unless you’re having a good time. And in order to accomplish anything on the esoteric side, you’ll need to raise energy to direct towards your magical or mystical purposes.
Mantak Chia has a bit of a mantra: “The presence of your lover should arouse you”. The danger is that practice without that chemistry, respect and affection will lead to other, possibly destructive, methods of adding a charge to your union (for example, Al Crowley added animal sacrifice to sex magic rituals).
Cultivate your own sensitivity to the subtle realms, and wait for someone truly delicious who calls to your heart.